In Praise of Emotional Men
Emotion doesn't have gender but societal norms make us think it does. And that needs to change.
“When was the last time you cried?” I asked my husband, one random evening after the kids had fallen asleep.
He looked at me like I’d spoken to him in another language. Eventually he responded by saying, “I don’t know. Probably an episode of Star Trek.”
I laughed when he said this, which might sound insensitive but I promise it’s not. It’s because I guessed this would be his response.
I’ve most often seen my husband tear up during various episodes of Star Trek. But he also has a habit of crying while watching Disney movies. The animated movie Onward made him cry like a baby (his words, not mine). And I’ve even seen him tear up while watching Bluey.
“Ok, so TV shows and movies sometimes make you cry,” I said. “Especially if there is a father/son element. But when was the last time you cried in response to something in real life?”
After thinking for a few moments, he said “I can’t remember.”
So I pushed further. “Can you think of anything that might make you cry? Any event or action or experience?” I asked.
“No. I can’t,” he said.
Honestly, this hurt. But it also wasn’t terribly surprising.
The chasm between my connection to emotion and my husbands connection to emotion is Grand Canyon wide. And it’s often the root of big challenges within our relationship. How we respond to the big emotions our kids have. How we communicate our needs to one another.
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