Reading The Idea of You in the Time of Tradwives and Toxic Masculinity
Sex, power, and flipping the script on multiple societal norms all in one book.
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I’ve had The Idea of You on my TBR for a while. I was intrigued when the movie came out last year, starring Anne Hathaway and Nicholas Galitzine, and so many feminist writers reviewed it saying the book was better.
The plot also scratches quite a few itches for me as a romance reader. I love “rockstar/normie romances” and I tend to like my romance novels on the spicier side. I also often lament the lack of moms as main characters in romance — more specifically, it’s the idea that moms are stripped of their passion and desire once they give birth because their focus is on child-rearing instead of child-making. It’s also just the idea that the hot stuff ends once we “get the guy” and have our happily ever afters.
I’m also a big fan of what is sometimes known as “mature” romance, which sounds so dumb, especially because it typically means main characters who are 40+.
And while I don’t usually enjoy age gap romances, I think the author handles this one really well.
The Idea of You features all of these tropes, while also dealing with the challenges of co-parenting a child after divorce, mothering a pre-teen, boy band fandom, the realities of fame, and the way culture views women of a certain age.
Before getting into my observations, I think there is some basic table setting to do. I’m not going to share any serious spoilers, particularly since the book is different from the movie. But if you haven’t read the book or watched the movie and you’re still curious about my observations, knowing the basic plot might be useful.
Essentially, this is a story about Solene, a 40 year old divorced mom and art gallery owner, who begins a relationship with Hayes, a 20 year old member of a British boy band called August Moon. Sparks fly almost immediately, but she tries to ignore them because of their significant age difference. After a second chance meeting, she decides to go for it. A lot of incredibly hot sex happens, as they also navigate what their relationship can be while he is on tour and she is raising a pre-teen/running a successful art gallery.
The Idea of You is frequently referred to as One Direction fanfic, but I think that actually diminishes the story the author tells, which is one of age, sexuality, attractiveness, gender, and power.
It’s also really important to note that even though this book and the movie that followed are typically considered romance, I’d argue that the movie is but the book is not.
Most romance novels address the challenges of intimate relationships, but usually through the lens of communication. In a typical romance, what often disrupts the love story is a lack of communication or a fear of vulnerability that prevents clear or honest communication. Either 1 or both of the main characters is holding something back to protect themselves.
That doesn’t really exist in this book.
Solene knows exactly what she wants. And while she is nervous to be vulnerable around Hayes, she doesn’t hesitate to communicate clearly with him. She is super clear about her boundaries, her desires, and the realities of her life as a mom. Hayes is also a good communicator, unlike most 20 year old boys. He’s clear about his desires and the realities of his life as a celebrity, although at 20, he’s lives very much in the present, not the future.
Their directness with one another plus the undeniable sizzling attraction means they get vulnerable pretty quickly and I’m not just talking about the sex.
And unlike a standard romance, their future is more uncertain. In a more typical romance, the question is not whether they’ll fall in love but how they will overcome the obstacle created by their lack of/fear of clear communication and subsequent misunderstandings, so they’ll stay together.
In this novel, the question is more, “can their love last?”
Ultimately, this book is about female desire and the complexity of intimate relationships that are made even more complex by age difference, celebrity, and being a mom.
These topics don’t typically intersect in novels, particularly in “serious literature” — the kind that makes its way to “Best Of” lists on the New York Times or other highbrow publications. These types of publications see novels like this, which feature casual depictions of sex and female pleasure, as unserious smut, regardless of the actual plot or overarching themes.
Plus, the interior lives of women as they age are only appealing to serious readers if the woman is older, perhaps past her prime, and relatively non-threatening (think Olive Kitteridge).
What is less appealing and perhaps less believable to a broader audience is the idea that a 40 year old woman could be attractive to a 20 year old superstar whose target audience is teenage girls and frequently parties with models and actresses.
This is actually one of the things I love about the book — how it not only gender swaps the age gap romance, but it also explores a different power dynamic from the older man/younger woman relationship.
