We don’t do well with messy women

This is a review of the reviews of the Supergirl movie

Hi! If you’re new here, I’m Naomi. I’ve been teaching movement for 21 years and writing about all things movement, fitness, wellness, and health for nearly as long.

This piece is not about fitness or health, but still a topic that is important to me — the representation of women in media.

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not smiling, even if you ask nicely

Last weekend I took my kids to see the new Supergirl movie and we were the only people in the theater. We’re in a small town in northern Michigan, so it’s not actually the first time we’ve seen a movie there and been the only people in the room. I was a little surprised, though. It was the day after the 4th of July, one of the busiest weekends of the year for our town. And the movie theater wasn’t empty – other folks were seeing other movies there – just not Supergirl.

I immediately wondered about the reviews, remembering how male “fans” often throw online tantrums about female-led action movies or female superhero movies, particularly when it’s a deviation from what they’d prefer.

Remember how many fanboys and movie critics alike whined when Rey was the lead character in the new Star Wars movies?

How about the review bombing prior to the release of She Hulk, in which an army of manbabies left 1 star reviews on IMDB complaining about wokeness and feminism – again, before the show even aired its first episode?

So the reviews of Supergirl did not surprise me.

“Supergirl is not a good movie. It is a pale imitation of the films of the man running the DCU, James Gunn, full of needle drops and smirks, but lacking any of the heart and artistry.” (Forbes)

“SUPERGIRL IS A TREMENDOUS SLOG of a film, a real step backwards for the James Gunn-overseen DC Universe of movies and TV shows. It’s neither fun nor exciting, and while it feints toward meaningfulness it ultimately feels empty.” (Sonny Bunch for The Bulwark)

“Kill Krem! Save the dog! Those are the motivations driving the entire not-even-interesting-enough-to-be-convoluted plot of “Supergirl.” Maybe that’s why the movie is full of action yet numbingly flat.” (Owen Gleiberman for Variety)

“This movie was boring. Annoying. She’s a drunk ignorant selfish spoiled brat.” (Random dude on metacritic)

I read all of these reviews after watching Supergirl, which I actually enjoyed.

Was it uplifting and the feel good movie of the summer? No. Go to see Moana for that. Supergirl is messy and dark and chaotic. Kara isn’t particularly likable at first, but she sure is relatable – at least to anyone who has ever been utterly self-destructive when they’re in a dark place.

When we first meet Kara Zor-El, she’s celebrating her 23rd birthday by doing an epic planetary pub crawl, going only to “red sun planets” because it’s under a yellow sun (like Earth), where she has superhuman abilities. And she doesn’t want to be super. She wants to suffer.

I think this is partially why critics are so hostile to this movie. Most people don’t want their superheroes to be super complicated. They want billionaires who might have a haunted past, but it fuels them to punish the bad guys and be the arbiter of justice for their city, country, or the world. They want superheroes who see the wrongs in the world and work hard to make them right. They want superheroes who willingly take on the mantle fighting the good fight because if they have powers, they have a responsibility to protect those who are vulnerable and to make the world a better place.

They even like anti-heroes….so long as they are men.

Han Solo, Deadpool, the Punisher, Wolverine, John Wick, Constantine, nearly the entire cast of Guardians of the Galaxy, and even Batman, are all beloved anti-heroes.

Can you even think of any female anti-heroes? Even when I asked the internet, it gave me characters who are typically considered villains (Catwoman, Elektra, Mystique).

An antihero is not a villain. They’re morally grey. They make mistakes, often do very self-serving things, but ultimately, they fight on the side of good. Or at the very least, they take down the people doing bad shit.

In Supergirl, we get an antihero.

Her abilities are a perk, allowing her to recover from her destructive behavior, just long enough to play with her beloved pup Krypto and then get wasted again.

Her spaceship is like a rocket-powered, VW van but motorhome-style, complete with dirty dishes in the sink and empty beer cans littering the floor.

Kara doesn’t really want to help people. She can barely take care of herself and Krypto. Her hair is disheveled, her clothes look like she’s slept in them, and she probably smells. She clearly wants to wallow.

She isn’t Wonder Woman or Captain Marvel or Black Widow – all of whom critics and fanboys complained about, too, by the way.

This is a movie about grief, pain, and loneliness.

Without giving away too much about the plot, Kara is the sole survivor of her planet, Krypton. Yes, her cousin, Superman survived, too. But unlike Superman, who was sent as an infant to Earth and raised by 2 kind, loving humans, Kara was raised on Krypton, or what remained of it, by her kind, loving, biological parents. Then she watched them get sick and die, along with many others on her planet, until her dad put her in a space pod with her faithful pup Krypto, and sent her to Earth, to save her from dying, too.

So when the big bad in this movie, Krem of the Yellowhills, shoots her dog with a poison that will kill him in 3 days, of course she’s going to do everything in her power to track down Krem and get the antidote to heal Krypto.

Kara and Krypto; Kara and Krem

Kara doesn’t really want to help Ruthye, the girl out for revenge.

She doesn’t want to think about the other bad stuff Krem has done and will continue to do if no one stops him.

She doesn’t have the mental or emotional space for that.

Saving her dog, her faithful companion and last remaining link to her home, is everything.

Interestingly, I have read a lot of reviews comparing this to Mad Max and Guardians of the Galaxy, but not one review has mentioned how similar this is to John Wick (thanks to my friend, Val for noting this).

I assume you are familiar with the premise of John Wick – a movie series built on a single act of puppy murder and intense grief at the loss of Wick’s beloved wife.

Somehow avenging a puppy’s brutal murder is an acceptable plot device for John Wick but trying to prevent a puppy murder is too inconsequential for Supergirl.

I wonder what the difference is?

When a grieving man enacts brutal, violent revenge on the men who murdered his puppy, we view him as heroic and noble. A good man is forced to do bad things that aren’t really so bad because he’s assassinating bad guys (the Russian mafia!!! His former employers!!! He’s doing a public service, actually!!!).

But when a grieving woman drops everything to try and save her dying dog, it’s pathetic and not exciting enough to be a real action movie or even good storytelling. Apparently, it’s lame, even if in the process, she rescues dozens of sex-trafficked girls and violently punishes the men who kidnapped them (and planned to repeatedly sexually assault them, as well as force them to carry and birth babies).

And I guess it’s still lame, even if she remembers who she is – not a superhero, but a young woman who misses her home and her parents and her friends. And that those people she misses shaped who she is with goodness and kindness and a sense of justice, too.

People love messy, grieving men.

Just look at the Punisher, Wolverine, Kylo Ren, and Carmy from the Bear. All emotional messes, driven by grief and pain, and still wildly popular characters. Is it because they use their grief and pain to enact violent vengeance, like the Punisher and Wolverine? Or to seek massive power and then sacrifice himself to save a life, like Kylo Ren? Or to make good sandwiches and save the family restaurant, like Carmy?

Or is it just because we excuse unstable behavior from men and consider it simply, part of their charm?

Is it possible that we even sometimes view genuinely bad behavior by men as just a little messy, but that underneath they are “good guys?”

After all, look at who America elected president. Twice.

And consider Graham Platner’s candidacy in Maine – how people were willing to stand by him, in spite of allegations of truly bad behavior. Unsurprisingly, many “good” people called into question the claims made by the women, rather than simply believing them.

People are spectacularly bad at accepting messy, complicated, women.

We want them to get it together. Stop crying, stop complaining, stop feeling.

Even when those messier, complicated women do keep their mess a little more contained, people still hate them.

We demonize women who do not meet every standard set for them – an impossible task, truly. And yet many women still try because it’s one of the only ways to get a foothold in a world that doesn’t want women in power.

Look at the backlash to this movie, not from the critics, but from a random dude on metacritic, reading “This movie was boring. Annoying. She’s a drunk ignorant selfish spoiled brat.” Out of context, he could be describing our secretary of defense, but instead, he’s describing a character in a movie – a young girl who has lost everything and feels utterly alone in the world. The only family she has is her cousin, who is a good person but he also can’t understand fully what she has lost. Plus, he is super boring.

Kara’s behavior is fairly normal. Not healthy, but normal.

It’s not tidy or quick or quiet, which is what most (male) people would prefer to see on screen. It’s not pretty or sweet or Instagram-ready. It’s ugly and unkempt. Honestly, it’s fairly masculine, too – drinking yourself into oblivion so you don’t feel anything. Another reason the menfolk don’t like it. That belongs to them alone, I guess.

In her grief, she’s being self-destructive rather than vengeful, which is the preferred approach to grief in the manosphere. But for Kara, there’s no one to take revenge on until Krem shoots her dog with a poison dart. And then she spurs into action, but apparently, that’s wrong too. It’s derivative, they say. A thin story. Not enough plot to really drive the movie.

Enjoy my eye roll.

The story IS her grief, dummies. Saving the sex-trafficked girls is the subplot.

Stories of women grieving are not typically revenge driven. Think of Wandavision – a brilliant limited series that explored what a grieving Wanda would do to survive her pain at a life without Vision. That show had 9 episodes to witness how her pain and grief transformed her reality.

Consider how Willow, in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, sought out dark magic to handle her trauma and grief over the death of her girlfriend, Tara. Dark magic is a metaphor for substance abuse. Eventually she weans herself off of the dark magic but retains her connection to her own magical abilities – and uses them for healing, as well as transferring power to girls and women worldwide.

This isn’t the grief of the Wolverines or the Carmy’s or the John Wick’s. And that’s ok, because grief can look like many things. But I think lots of people have a very narrow window of what grief should be or look like, especially when it comes to the heroes of the stories we tell. We want our heroes to be like us, only better. So I guess it makes sense that men would prefer a hero who handles grief by seeking bloody revenge on the bad guys.

They definitely don’t want a female hero who gives zero fucks about how she looks, drinks herself into oblivion, and cares more about her dog than the men in her orbit.

Maybe that’s it – that the fanboys and critics prefer their female superheroes not real and relatable, but hot and undamaged. Devoid of character or backstory. Just a hot piece of ass who is relatively simple and looks good while kicking butt.

And maybe it’s also because as a culture, Americans tend to be really bad with grief and loss and death, in general. Especially men. Have you seen all of the weird dudes out there trying to extend their lives through expensive biohacking procedures or accumulating so much wealth that they will never die in the collective consciousness?

Of course they’re going to go hard for men, like Wolverine or John Wick, who are played by actors who remain action heroes into their 50’s and 60’s. And of course they’re going to equally sneer at young, female superheroes who eschew the traditional female superhero standard and chart their own course through grief and recovery.

Was Supergirl a brilliant piece of cinema? No. But John Wick isn’t either.

And I don’t think that’s the standard we should be holding them to.

Does Supergirl tell a compelling, interesting story? Yes. Is she saving the entire galaxy from a mega-villain bent on controlling chaos (Hi, Thanos!)? No, but the stakes don’t always have to be that high. They certainly never are for Wick or Wolverine and definitely not for Carmy.

Also, remember when Captain Marvel returns in Endgame and the remaining Avengers say, “where were you?” She replies, “there’s a whole universe out there that needed my help.”

This is true for Supergirl, too. Yes, she saves the day for a few dozen women in this story, but she also saves herself. Or at least, begins to.

It’s a story that centers grief, from the perspective of a young woman, adrift and alone. Grief is not clean or linear. It is messy and complex. Personally, I prefer superheroes who are complex and relatable and real, even if they have superhuman abilities that set them apart.

That’s how I prefer women, too.

Kara screaming into the void of space

*****

Thanks for reading! If you have thoughts about messy women, messy female superheroes, or superhero movies in general, I would love to hear about it in the comments!

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