I've complained about this before...that the way Hollywood portrays parents seems to have had an impact on parenting. Like we all subconsciously think this portrayal is normal/aspirational.
Anyway, have you seen the Aussie series Heartbreak High on Netflix? I loved how Amerie's mother is portrayed in that series. She doesn't mess around.
I have not seen that series but you've got me curious and I'll try to check it out! I watch so little for myself because we only have one tv and tend to watch things that are kid friendly. I do love hearing about parents who feel a little more real than what is often portrayed in kids-oriented tv.
Glad I'm not alone in feeling the gap between how parents are and how parents are portrayed.
Oh my gosh this is so true and relatable. Isn’t it funny that movies geared towards kids show perfect parents and movies geared towards adults show depressed parents????
I was talking about this with my MIL, interestingly enough. What I said to her is that kids shows aren't about showing kids how to relate to their parents or how to better understand their parents or even sympathize with their parents. They're about entertaining kids. And more so lately, teaching parents how to relate to their children. There is no space in there for imperfect parents.
Meanwhile, as you said, shows geared towards adults tend to show parents who are depressed or struggling, but not necessarily how to move forward or repair. The best example I've seen of a movie showing more realistic parents is actually Yes Day, which I thought about after finishing this piece.
So I might have to do an essay on that one because while is definitely has some movie situations that are not likely in real life, it's also more grounded in a real parents vibe.
You should write that! Your essay sparked an interesting conversation between my spouse and I and we were wondering is this an American phenomenon??? I was thinking of UK vs American comedy shows and I feel like American parents are often depicted as stressed perfectionists (Modern family) while UK parents get to be human and do their own thing (Derry girls). I’m sure there are exceptions but maybe also a pattern?
Jun 24·edited Jun 24Liked by Naomi Gottlieb-Miller
Love this, Naomi.
I blame '80's and '90's family sitcoms too. The ones that always have the perfect resolution because the parent says the perfect thing at the perfect moment. Too much pressure but also, a little aspirational.
I do appreciate the new crop of TV parents grounded in reality though -- Pamela Adlon in Better Things, the moms in Workin' Moms, the parents in Breeders (with my favorite line "I would die for those kids... But often, I also want to kill them."
And yes, I think 80's and 90's sitcoms absolutely contributed to this. 80's/90's movies, less so. Those parents always sort of seem out to lunch, you know? But sitcoms...nickolodeon shows, too. Ooof.
I haven't seen any of the shows you mentioned. I don't watch too much tv that isn't kid-friendly, sadly. I'll have to put those on my list, though. I love knowing there are representations out there that feel more true to the experience of motherhood most of us are living.
The movie that feels more representational is Yes Day. Has some unrealistic situations that are really meant for drama of a movie, but the parents feel more real than most that I've seen.
Wow, that was quite an analysis. I had a sister-in-law who was the perfect parent, like in the movies, and I always felt a little envious around her, like she did everything right as a stay-at-home mom. Apples and oranges, my husband would say. I bet that you feel better having written through that long piece and can be proud of your parenting. Thanks for sharing.
I actually do! It was a lot to get out and I think it was a little cathartic. I also think it's a bit situational. I wrote it after 2 weeks of soloparenting in an 800sqft cabin (I still am and will be for the next 3 weeks) and was just hitting my limit. I still think that "perfect parents" in movies/tv are not representative of most of us in the trenches parenting in real life, but I also recognize that's not the point of those movies.
And I have a friend who is like your sister-in-law. She is a stay-at-home parent and doesn't have an additional job. She always throws the best birthday parties, with a theme and decorations she makes herself. She and her husband also do really cool things with their kids and she never seems ruffled by motherhood. But, I only see a small part of her life as a mom, so who knows?
so....I think it's great you don't compare yourself to characters in movies or tv shows, mom. Health, even. I have always compared myself to others, in movies and otherwise. So no surprise that I am frequently worried that I am not measuring up to a family of dogs (Bluey).
Maybe this is a generational thing. Or maybe it's a personal thing. I think all moms, regardless of generation, feel/felt a certain amount of pressure within motherhood. I also think that it's intensified now as we have more access to seeing other moms on our tvs, movie screens, and in our phones.
I did some comparing with real life people. Generally over things I wasn’t good at—bedtime was a biggie. But comparisons are never healthy because you never see the whole picture and specifically you are harder on yourself in the comparison.
I've complained about this before...that the way Hollywood portrays parents seems to have had an impact on parenting. Like we all subconsciously think this portrayal is normal/aspirational.
Anyway, have you seen the Aussie series Heartbreak High on Netflix? I loved how Amerie's mother is portrayed in that series. She doesn't mess around.
I have not seen that series but you've got me curious and I'll try to check it out! I watch so little for myself because we only have one tv and tend to watch things that are kid friendly. I do love hearing about parents who feel a little more real than what is often portrayed in kids-oriented tv.
Glad I'm not alone in feeling the gap between how parents are and how parents are portrayed.
Oh my gosh this is so true and relatable. Isn’t it funny that movies geared towards kids show perfect parents and movies geared towards adults show depressed parents????
YES! Absolutely.
I was talking about this with my MIL, interestingly enough. What I said to her is that kids shows aren't about showing kids how to relate to their parents or how to better understand their parents or even sympathize with their parents. They're about entertaining kids. And more so lately, teaching parents how to relate to their children. There is no space in there for imperfect parents.
Meanwhile, as you said, shows geared towards adults tend to show parents who are depressed or struggling, but not necessarily how to move forward or repair. The best example I've seen of a movie showing more realistic parents is actually Yes Day, which I thought about after finishing this piece.
So I might have to do an essay on that one because while is definitely has some movie situations that are not likely in real life, it's also more grounded in a real parents vibe.
You should write that! Your essay sparked an interesting conversation between my spouse and I and we were wondering is this an American phenomenon??? I was thinking of UK vs American comedy shows and I feel like American parents are often depicted as stressed perfectionists (Modern family) while UK parents get to be human and do their own thing (Derry girls). I’m sure there are exceptions but maybe also a pattern?
Love this, Naomi.
I blame '80's and '90's family sitcoms too. The ones that always have the perfect resolution because the parent says the perfect thing at the perfect moment. Too much pressure but also, a little aspirational.
I do appreciate the new crop of TV parents grounded in reality though -- Pamela Adlon in Better Things, the moms in Workin' Moms, the parents in Breeders (with my favorite line "I would die for those kids... But often, I also want to kill them."
Thank you!
And yes, I think 80's and 90's sitcoms absolutely contributed to this. 80's/90's movies, less so. Those parents always sort of seem out to lunch, you know? But sitcoms...nickolodeon shows, too. Ooof.
I haven't seen any of the shows you mentioned. I don't watch too much tv that isn't kid-friendly, sadly. I'll have to put those on my list, though. I love knowing there are representations out there that feel more true to the experience of motherhood most of us are living.
The movie that feels more representational is Yes Day. Has some unrealistic situations that are really meant for drama of a movie, but the parents feel more real than most that I've seen.
Wow, that was quite an analysis. I had a sister-in-law who was the perfect parent, like in the movies, and I always felt a little envious around her, like she did everything right as a stay-at-home mom. Apples and oranges, my husband would say. I bet that you feel better having written through that long piece and can be proud of your parenting. Thanks for sharing.
I actually do! It was a lot to get out and I think it was a little cathartic. I also think it's a bit situational. I wrote it after 2 weeks of soloparenting in an 800sqft cabin (I still am and will be for the next 3 weeks) and was just hitting my limit. I still think that "perfect parents" in movies/tv are not representative of most of us in the trenches parenting in real life, but I also recognize that's not the point of those movies.
And I have a friend who is like your sister-in-law. She is a stay-at-home parent and doesn't have an additional job. She always throws the best birthday parties, with a theme and decorations she makes herself. She and her husband also do really cool things with their kids and she never seems ruffled by motherhood. But, I only see a small part of her life as a mom, so who knows?
When I go to the movies I’m not looking to compare myself to any of the characters. I’m looking to be entertained. Maybe that’s why I favor comedies.
so....I think it's great you don't compare yourself to characters in movies or tv shows, mom. Health, even. I have always compared myself to others, in movies and otherwise. So no surprise that I am frequently worried that I am not measuring up to a family of dogs (Bluey).
Maybe this is a generational thing. Or maybe it's a personal thing. I think all moms, regardless of generation, feel/felt a certain amount of pressure within motherhood. I also think that it's intensified now as we have more access to seeing other moms on our tvs, movie screens, and in our phones.
I did some comparing with real life people. Generally over things I wasn’t good at—bedtime was a biggie. But comparisons are never healthy because you never see the whole picture and specifically you are harder on yourself in the comparison.