Fascinating piece. I will forever thank military spouses from here on out. It’s such a clear hardship to be a single parent so much of the time and it’s enraging that the military doesn’t offer ways to make that easier.
Thank you for reading this one. It was tough to write because I didn't want to try and generalize too much about an experience that isn't universal. Military spouses can have incredibly different experiences and I don't want to diminish the ones that are different than my own. But it also felt important to write since I think spouses are so often overlooked and deserve recognition for their part.
And I do truly wish that the military would do more to make spouses lives easier. I hope that changes and will continue to speak up to be a part of that change in any way I can.
I hope you know how important your articles are. I have never known any military families and I always thought it was great for kids to learn to be so flexible and friendly and comfortable in new groups. I never knew that the spouses were not given free or nearly free educational possibilities or better support. The old school thinking that the wife has to follow and accept the husband being considered more important is enough to endure; better services and career assistance should be a given.
I do think many kids look back and are grateful for the ability to see more of the world, be more adaptable to a wide variety of scenarios, and make friends easily. At least that's what I hear from the spouses I've met you were military kids themselves. But it is hard when you're living it.
Spouses do get some support in the way of education, although it's not the same as active duty service members. It's the other areas of support that are lacking, primarily in childcare and career opportunities (although there are so many others -- those are just the biggies).
I do hope that there is change in that way.
I will continue to speak up and lend my own voice in hopes for that change.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. Everyone is going to have a different perspective especially in the military life. My husband went back into the Army National Guard Reserves at 31. There are a lot of challenges as well as benefits. We needed extra financial support to pay for healthcare insurance costs to keep me in therapy and plan for dealing with my chronic pain.
He’s also working for the DOD and is going TDY for four months. Please pray for me and my toddler to keep it together. 🫣
Thank you for sharing this, Chanel. It's hard to pass up the benefits that being a military family will afford you, even if the sacrifices are also huge -- like being a solo parent for long stretches of time. Holding you in my heart for that. I have been there and it is monumentally hard. Here for you, in any way I can be, during that time (mean that, truly).
I think it's also incredibly important to say, as you did, that everyone will have a different perspective on military life. There are some basic similarities but we each experience this life differently.
I definitely don't speak for all military spouses here -- mostly myself, with some comments from friends.
Again, thank you for offering your experience to this, to continue to diversify what we collectively understand as the military spouse experience.
I also appreciate your perspective because I was a navy kid but I lived with my mom so seeing my dad was once a year when school was out. I didn’t see what my stepmom had to do on base as a parent. She definitely had a longer career path but thankfully she’s worked for the Childcare Development Center which is on most of those military bases
Hi Naomi, it is surprising to learn of the lack of childcare support, in particular, since many career military personnel are often away. I grew up as a military brat—my father was career Air Force—and I was born in Japan and moved all over the US. So it’s interesting for me to read this from your perspective.
The career issues for military spouses are real—my Mother faced this for sure.
Squared Away is a company that hires mostly military spouses. It provides virtual website, accounting, admin and executive assistance. I have used them for over 2 years for admin/website assistance and it’s been great for me, and of course my assistant can work virtually from nearly anywhere, which helps her.
First, thank you for supporting other spouses by using Squared Away! That's one I haven't heard of. I have a virtual assistant in my other job as a movement teacher, but in the event my business expands and I need additional service, I appreciate knowing that's a place I can look!
I also do want to note that there are so many different experiences of being a military spouse. It often depends on the rank of your spouse, as well as officer vs enlisted. And can often be impacted by where you live and whether or not you live on base. As the child of someone who served, I am sure you know this, too.
Childcare was a particular issue where we last lived (on an air force base in eastern NM) in part because the local town also had a childcare shortage. There were limited spots in pre-k programs, so it took until January of this year for my youngest to get a slot. And it was not at the closest school or the school her siblings attended. Additionally, many of the paid daycare/preschool options were religiously affiliated, Christian specifically. Since we're not Christian, we didn't want our kids to be in a school that did not align with our values. And the CDC on base was mostly limited to mil-to-mil families, so we never had a chance there.
I'd add to all of that with the simple fact that childcare is cost prohibitive for many military families, especially those who are enlisted.
If childcare was subsidized or if we were still given the child tax credit, it would be considerably more accessible.
Thanks so much for reading and for sharing your experience.
Thank you for reading! It's tough to write from the perspective of a military spouse knowing that others will have a very different experience than I do, but also felt important to share.
Thanks for reading this one, Kathryn. And for sharing it. Even if it took me actual weeks to respond. Soloparenting is kicking my butt this summer and I've been a little spacey with responding to comments!
Fascinating piece. I will forever thank military spouses from here on out. It’s such a clear hardship to be a single parent so much of the time and it’s enraging that the military doesn’t offer ways to make that easier.
Thank you for reading this one. It was tough to write because I didn't want to try and generalize too much about an experience that isn't universal. Military spouses can have incredibly different experiences and I don't want to diminish the ones that are different than my own. But it also felt important to write since I think spouses are so often overlooked and deserve recognition for their part.
And I do truly wish that the military would do more to make spouses lives easier. I hope that changes and will continue to speak up to be a part of that change in any way I can.
You did a great job of walking that line and making it clear not everyone feels the same way.
I hope you know how important your articles are. I have never known any military families and I always thought it was great for kids to learn to be so flexible and friendly and comfortable in new groups. I never knew that the spouses were not given free or nearly free educational possibilities or better support. The old school thinking that the wife has to follow and accept the husband being considered more important is enough to endure; better services and career assistance should be a given.
Thanks for reading!
I do think many kids look back and are grateful for the ability to see more of the world, be more adaptable to a wide variety of scenarios, and make friends easily. At least that's what I hear from the spouses I've met you were military kids themselves. But it is hard when you're living it.
Spouses do get some support in the way of education, although it's not the same as active duty service members. It's the other areas of support that are lacking, primarily in childcare and career opportunities (although there are so many others -- those are just the biggies).
I do hope that there is change in that way.
I will continue to speak up and lend my own voice in hopes for that change.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. Everyone is going to have a different perspective especially in the military life. My husband went back into the Army National Guard Reserves at 31. There are a lot of challenges as well as benefits. We needed extra financial support to pay for healthcare insurance costs to keep me in therapy and plan for dealing with my chronic pain.
He’s also working for the DOD and is going TDY for four months. Please pray for me and my toddler to keep it together. 🫣
Thank you for sharing this, Chanel. It's hard to pass up the benefits that being a military family will afford you, even if the sacrifices are also huge -- like being a solo parent for long stretches of time. Holding you in my heart for that. I have been there and it is monumentally hard. Here for you, in any way I can be, during that time (mean that, truly).
I think it's also incredibly important to say, as you did, that everyone will have a different perspective on military life. There are some basic similarities but we each experience this life differently.
I definitely don't speak for all military spouses here -- mostly myself, with some comments from friends.
Again, thank you for offering your experience to this, to continue to diversify what we collectively understand as the military spouse experience.
I also appreciate your perspective because I was a navy kid but I lived with my mom so seeing my dad was once a year when school was out. I didn’t see what my stepmom had to do on base as a parent. She definitely had a longer career path but thankfully she’s worked for the Childcare Development Center which is on most of those military bases
Hi Naomi, it is surprising to learn of the lack of childcare support, in particular, since many career military personnel are often away. I grew up as a military brat—my father was career Air Force—and I was born in Japan and moved all over the US. So it’s interesting for me to read this from your perspective.
The career issues for military spouses are real—my Mother faced this for sure.
Squared Away is a company that hires mostly military spouses. It provides virtual website, accounting, admin and executive assistance. I have used them for over 2 years for admin/website assistance and it’s been great for me, and of course my assistant can work virtually from nearly anywhere, which helps her.
Thanks for sharing.
First, thank you for supporting other spouses by using Squared Away! That's one I haven't heard of. I have a virtual assistant in my other job as a movement teacher, but in the event my business expands and I need additional service, I appreciate knowing that's a place I can look!
I also do want to note that there are so many different experiences of being a military spouse. It often depends on the rank of your spouse, as well as officer vs enlisted. And can often be impacted by where you live and whether or not you live on base. As the child of someone who served, I am sure you know this, too.
Childcare was a particular issue where we last lived (on an air force base in eastern NM) in part because the local town also had a childcare shortage. There were limited spots in pre-k programs, so it took until January of this year for my youngest to get a slot. And it was not at the closest school or the school her siblings attended. Additionally, many of the paid daycare/preschool options were religiously affiliated, Christian specifically. Since we're not Christian, we didn't want our kids to be in a school that did not align with our values. And the CDC on base was mostly limited to mil-to-mil families, so we never had a chance there.
I'd add to all of that with the simple fact that childcare is cost prohibitive for many military families, especially those who are enlisted.
If childcare was subsidized or if we were still given the child tax credit, it would be considerably more accessible.
Thanks so much for reading and for sharing your experience.
Thanks for this - it's eye opening!
Thank you for reading! It's tough to write from the perspective of a military spouse knowing that others will have a very different experience than I do, but also felt important to share.
Thank you Naomi for this post and sharing your story.
Thanks for reading this one, Kathryn. And for sharing it. Even if it took me actual weeks to respond. Soloparenting is kicking my butt this summer and I've been a little spacey with responding to comments!
Totally get it! It was a wonderful read and I am sharing it in my monthly roundup this week.